i've got a birthday coming up this week. i don't much feel like celebrating though. seems everytime i do get wrapped up in a birthday, i end up being let down. like last year. when my pretty much kick ass party was on track to rule until the (ex)girlfriend essentially turned my party into her party. and then got way too drunk and barfed and went to bed early. anyway that was last year. this year, i don't know. i don't want presents. i don't want celebration. maybe i just don't want to be around the people who do want to celebrate. i haven't been able to figure that out yet.

the 10 year reunion went well. a lot better than expected. and while it was interesting to see who was fat and who was bald and who was exactly the same (in both good and bad form), it was just cool to be with people who knew me. maybe a more carefree me. maybe people i could joke around with quite a bit. i got to see 2 of my 3 total boyfriends. the most recent one (when i say recent, i mean 8th grade) was definitely hitting on me. too bad.

i did some reviewing the night before to refresh my memory. and i realized that its ok that i might be one of (maybe)5 gay people in our class of 532. why? cause i didn't really find anyone in our class attractive. the same statement was echoed at the reunion where i was all "pssssssht, big deal."

i had a good time though. chatting with people who i don't care about, mostly. and chatting with people who i don't think really care about me. but it was good to have that politeness come from the people who really didn't care about you 10 years ago.

a huge contingent of the reunion was from my junior high. which made it that much cooler. because the friendships that were established then, mostly dissipated in high school. so the memories and school ties went a bit deeper. i saw quite a bit of the basketball team, and we joked about getting the team back together. hilarious. as i haven't touched a basketball in years. and thats just me. not counting the mother of 2, the ghetto girl who got kind of fat, the school teacher, the wasp, and some others. strange. but you bet your ass that the basketball coach is going to get the photo i made someone take- once i get my hands on it. funny stuff.

now what? it is columbus day and the office is pretty slow. i'm going to go cry in my coca cola classic and watch some battlestar galactica.

oh- i guess this is noteworthy. friday after the reunion, i was in very good spirits and decided to go out for a drink by myself. thats the first time in a really really long time that i felt up to it. of course i just sat there and became saddened and bitter, i guess. but oh well. at least i went out.