the first play list that i've made on my new computer is that of sad songs. i've always said that the saddest songs are my favorite.

i am thankful for this quiet time in my house. i keep thinking that i'm going to come home and get happy and paint. but i don't. i haven't. at least not lately. i'm not sure if it is a question of motivation or a question of inspiration. maybe it's an issue of both. i know what i'm working towards. and i know who i'm working for. that doesn't seem to work right now. i'd rather sit and think and stare. i'd rather fall asleep on the couch. i'd rather go to bed early and wake up and do the same damn thing tomorrow (although tomorrow, i actually have some evening activities).

i miss my friends. what happened? what happened to all my friends?

what happened to warm hugs and phone calls? what happened to drinks at the corner bar? what happened to impromptu game nights? what happened to playing catch by the lake? i guess winter happened. i guess. i guess reality happened. i guess they grew tired of me.

where did all this history come from, bubbling to the surface again? what happened to progress? the sun was shining this morning, the birds were chirping, and there were hints of spring scattered about. all i wanted to do was crawl back under the covers. that's the only place i feel comfortable. but my dreams are stark and unremarkable. not even a trace of inspiration there either.

all i want to do is sit here and quote the sad songs. time to cut this shit out.