goodness. i'm so confused. but at least i'm not listening to sad music...at least not right now, though i admit i'm very tempted.

i'm so easily confused. so i wrote to the crush last night, and i actually got a response. a short response, but a response nonetheless, one that ended with the words "But either way, I'm sorry I missed you." that sounds positive right?

so i wrote her back, with nothing too important to say, but with questions, giving the option, no, the idea that she should write me back. i'm not set up on a timeline, but i'm not sure how to proceed if she does write me back...or even if she doesn't.

i kind of feel like i've already asked her out once, here. i have the feeling that if she does write back, she won't explicitly invite me to anything. in fact, she didn't explicitly invite me to her show last night, but i got wind of it from postings on the popular social networking sites. it was hard not to know about it.

so now what? do i go balls out and really try to set up a date or something- dinner? movie? rock show? conservatory? and if i do that, do i do it in the same pussy-footed manner that we've been communicating? over f@ceb00k? lord knows that last time i attempted to ask her out face to face i freaked out and yellow-bellied myself home (hmmm, thats an interesting new phrase, sock).

i just don't understand. perhaps she is shy too. one of the roommies thinks maybe she just likes being pursued. but who ends a short note with the above mentioned quote. and the last time i heard from her, through the networking site, she did say "i hope we can do something together soon." i just know that i'm the queen of reading into things, so i am often easily swayed or easily confused- as i'm the kind of person who says what they mean. you want to get together soon, ok, then good thats what you wrote. you want me to leave me alone? ok, then don't write that you're sorry you missed me at your show.

i think what i'm looking for is someone to tell me, yes sock, she's probably interested in you- heck she's maybe even slightly shy and intimidated by you because you're 6 years older than her. what i'm looking for though is a real honest glimpse into her mind. i know that she doesn't necessarily know that i'm shy and slightly submissive. but i think that if she is actually either of those 2 qualities, i'm giving her an out- the writing out- the i'm old cowardly write an email to start up some convo out. but she doesn't quite seem to be taking that bait.

if nothing comes of this whole scenario, i won't be crushed. i'll be a bit sad, but not crushed. i just know how often (or rather, how rare) i'm attracted to someone. and i keep thinking- it's almost been a year. one fucking year since i got dumped, and you can't quite say that i've bounced back...at least not in the manner that i hoped i would have. 1 fucking year. arrrgh.

so, now what? pssssh, i'm back to listening to the sad songs.