i can't quite figure it out.

the straight crush came over today. to watch veronica mars with the roommate. i was there too, of course.

i just can't figure it out. i can't say that i'm not attracted to her. but i'm not sure what it is. maybe in 3 months she'll be the kind of person whose behavior has taken a different turn, and i don't find it endearing anymore.

but we laugh a whole lot. about the stupidest shit.

i know my track record for reading into thing. world 234823098423, sock 0. but! there's always a but. but i swear she's over more days now that we are kind of friends. even though she is connected to my world through my roommate. yes, they talk on the phone, occasionally work together, yada yada yada. we do none of that (although i do have her phone # now). but i would take a gander on the fact that she likes my company. i don't think i'm reading into anything in that sense.

it's more of a reading into the enjoying my company thing. i've said it before like 30 times. i have a tendency to mistake kindness for interest. i'll be the first to admit that. we all know that.

last night i asked the roommate if he thought that straight crush knew that i had a crush on her. he said "yeah i'm sure she probably has a hunch." i can't figure out if thats a good thing or not. coincidentally, my freewill astrology did mention something about making it obvious to those you are interested in, because they can't read your fucking mind. ok, so freewill astrology didn't put it quite so bluntly. no "fucking" mixed in there. but that was the impression.

i mean, i made her a mix for goodness sake. if that doesn't speak volumes (even if i completely avoided putting cheesy love songs on the mix completely), i don't know what does. granted it was part of a larger scheme of things, so the mix actually comes off as a fairly natural gift and progression since we have been trading music all week. or something like that.

still, i just don't know what to do. i don't look at her and feel an attraction. i don't engage in meaningful conversations with her about school violence and get turned on. it's weird. i look at her and i think her nails are too long, and she wears crazy shoes. and she's such a girl, usually. i don't know. i do know that when she isn't around i want to send her emails telling her to watch battlestar galactica and that one album she recommended to me is good, and has she listened to this or that yet? i do know that i was shy around her last night. and today. i do know that i found it annoying that she came over to watch veronica mars, and she fiddled with her camera half the time she was here.

i know that. i just don't know anything else. i can't tell if i should stop hanging around her because something bad will come of this. or if i should just enjoy the ride. for now?