i'm too old to think that writing about my own happiness is an instant jinx. secretly though, i believe it.

i wouldn't say that things have magically transformed. in fact, nothing has changed. but i am in a much better place than i was 1, 2, 3 months ago. i am working out on a daily basis, and i am trying to be a better person.

a complete stranger, but someone i had interacted with on a professional level told a coworker of mine that i am the nicest person in the world. if a complete stranger can say that about me, then i can guarantee that i am doing something right.

i am in the place right now where i am happy with myself- who i am, what i am doing, who i am surrounding myself with, and what the future holds. i am not dwelling in the past. i am holding doors open for strangers, smiling at everyone, and being the nicest person in the world (apparently). it is important to me these days to treat people, especially strangers, with respect and kindness. why do we live any other way?

the xgf has come up in conversations with friends lately, and i can only laugh. she is like a figment of my imagination, and that might be because i do not fear running into her on my street anymore, seeing her on the train or in the loop.

i have a chance to go to a concert that i only mildly want to go to. but i heard that she and her too cool for you posse are attending. so guess what? i'm not going. i am in too good of a place right now to jeopardize it by trying to prove anything (to myself or to others). so i just won't go. i don't care. she, the life she leads, and the person she has become are all a joke to me now. but underneath it all, jokes are usually rooted in truth and in that truth lies a seed of sadness. it is not my job though, to see that seed grow back into anything beautiful. it is not my job at all.

i've also been doing a lot of walking, and i think somewhere, somehow that peacefulness can be found through unintentional meditative acts like that.