i worry too much. i always have, even as a young child. worried about school. probably morals and ethics back then, good grades and always doing the right thing.

these days i worry about being a good person, being a good person to those i love, not hurting anyone, and doing a good job.

i don't understand people. maybe that is why i was a psych major. because i could never figure anyone out (myself included in some ways) and i just wanted a few hints.

i don't understand the hot and cold. what turns an opinion when here i am trying to be me, which from what i understand from others, is a good fun person. i don't understand how people turn things off. or maybe even how they fade away. maybe i have never had that except in an unrequited crush situation. the more i get to know you (except for what happened recently), the more i like you. and this recent behavior doesn't make me like you less, it makes me question me more. who am i and what have i done to make you feel this way. what turned you off?

i am here and still worried about us, if there is an us. not that you have said anything directly today or yesterday to make me believe that there isn't. but i read into things too much. the lyrics you posted on your blog. the lack of response to my trip question.

here i am, i should be distant and aloof. i know this. i tell people i'm going to play things cool. they agree. but i don't know how to play it cool. i don't know how to play anything except what i am. not in things like this. because all i want is to be in your arms and laughing.

i am not good at games. i don't want to play with you, not this way. i just want to be with you.

maybe things are magnified because of my stupid period and stupid hormones that go along with that. but i feel small, smaller than normal.