I am obsessed with rereading my old diary entires. I am fascinated, surprised, not surprised, and just mesmerized by the old me. Some musings on the sock of the past:
1. I drank way too much.
2. I went out by myself an amazing amount - good on me for putting myself out there, even if I just went out and didn't talk to people.
3. I was fairly insightful in my 20s - self aware (to a certain degree) and contemplative.
4. Man, I had some shit roommate situations.
5. There are more than a few entries about me hanging out with girls, kissing girls, flirting with girls that I don't really recall. See also, #1.
6. My life was hard - not in the can't afford rent or food way, not in the emotionally of physically abused way, but in the sense of self/depression way. I had a fuck ton of feelings back then, therapy would have been really really good for me.

And to catch you up, some musings on the past 14 years:
1. I threw out a lot of things that to some degree I wish I still had. Tons of paper diaries, correspondence from friends, lovers, wanna-be-lovers. I deleted a lot of things too. I did this in earnest to let go of the past. It's probably done me a ton of good, but damn if re-reading the diary doesn't make me want to look at some of those long gone words.
2. The girl I was dating in 2008 dumped me. It was hard (it always is). She made me question who I was as a person, and that was hard to deal with. Looking back, she was super manipulative and everything about that relationship was unhealthy.
3. In 2011 I moved across the country.
4. In 2012 I fell in love with a girl, long distance (friend of a friend). We got super close super fast, and we corresponded quite a bit over chat and email. That led to me being very open with her. And then 3.5 months later she broke my heart. It took me a long time to get over her, and I harbored a lot of anger towards her (I felt like I was the most stable and kindest person she dated, and yet she couldn't stick with it).
5. In 2013 I met the woman that I would marry. I am a better person because of her. I am comfortable in my skin because of her. We've been through a lot together, and she still amazes me. Love like this, long, partnership love is a thing of beauty. We are equals who take turns carrying each other.
6. I am still painting, and I have painted so many fucking things you wouldn't believe it. I'm not a professional artist - nothing sells for more than a few hundred here and there, but fuck yeah sock for sticking with something.
7. I am so glad that I had dairyland. It was a wonderful community, and I found so much support in it.
8. My parents are still alive, thankfully, but their health is an issue. I would not be surprised if my dad passes away in the next year. He's been through a lot, medically.
9. I live somewhere I never thought I'd live. I'm amazed at my recent (past 3 years) tolerance and acceptance for change and self-evolution.
10. Even though the above is true, I'm still very much the same sock you knew.
11. Pretty sure the world is gonna end soon. Maybe not be totally gone, but with political and social climates as they are, the actual climate itself, something's gotta give. 1/3 of Pakistan is underwater, democracy is in danger, probs more pandemics on the way, fires/floods/droughts - shit is fucked.
12. I hope you are all well.