Still here. dreams have been weird lately. they've always been weird, so that's nothing new, but there have been patterns of people lately. I think it has to deal with the idea of the world ending. teah, I'm still on that kick...how can you not be?

I read an article in the past 3 months about the monetization of internet communities, and the article mentioned how diaryland never succumbed to that. this is still a really genuine place, even if it's mostly inhabited by cobwebs and ghosts. thank you, diaryland.

I go through nostalgic phases, and i absolutely love when I'm in there. there's a kind of sadness in them that feels good. it's like a warm sad bath. again, maybe it's the end of the world mentality that makes me want to reach out to the corners of my history and say "hi, i haven't forgotten about you. remember when?" maybe this time i'll actually do it. maybe not. there's a part of me that thinks "i'd love it if someone from my past came out of the blue to say hi" and there's a part of me that thinks "don't do it, it's weird and people don't want to hear from you anyway."

i've been painting a good amount recently and came to the jesus-fucking-christ-finally realization that i need art. it's a part of me. i am at my best when i'm creating something, though it's debatable what "my best" actually means. i am an artist. it's hard to type those words, they've always felt foreign and fake when even thinking about them coming out of my mind, off of my tongue and into the world where spoken things are true.

I am grateful for the ability to paint and create - even if the paintings don't hang on other peoples walls (i wish they would). they are snapshots and love letters and dreams and emotions and stories and they are mine to share with the world.

i am an artist.