i'm still a person who doesn't feel like they can take up space. I thought this as I was sitting on the floor of my studio crying, always wanting someone to walk in on my vulnerability, kiss it and make it all feel better.

Yesterday I was given some hard truths(?) and felt pretty attacked, unfairly judged. I cried, I choked up - literally unable to speak. And I don't agree with it all. I am angry and hurt.

My mind does not understand love sometimes - I am so binary -> if you can criticize me, how can you even love me? What is that love really built on, then? And I catastrophize, that this is the beginning of the end of the best of love. She spoke, from her point of view, from a place of caring, but I just felt judged. I didn't feel full of warmth and care. It felt full of disappointment.

hrmm. gotta go.